If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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