She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Found the puke drawer
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
