This is not my ceiling
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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