When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
