now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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