My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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