Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
