If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
