I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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