I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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