All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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