Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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