my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
