the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
