alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
