yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
