I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize