5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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