Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
