I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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