I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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