So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
