They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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