I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
