all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
