yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
