question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
