AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Randomize
