so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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