Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
