I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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