Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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