I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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