Someone shit on the floor
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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