I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
