mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
