I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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