When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
