Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize