im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
