i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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