I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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