I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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