So drunk its hurt
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
