He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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