Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
