Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
