how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
