yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
