Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
