so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
