If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize