Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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