Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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