Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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