The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
