Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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