she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
