Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
