after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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