I wish I could teleport
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize