So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
