mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
