i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
