i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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