do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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