I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
